Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 02, 2013

A New Resource from Jesus is the Answer Short-Term Missions!


Dear Fellow Kingdom-Builder,

We invite you to check out our new resource for missionaries and missions sending organizations... RateMyMissionTrip.com!  This is the first and only mission trip review website of its kind!

This new site is designed to be the go-to ratings hub for anyone seeking honest and reliable reviews about mission trips from the short-term missionaries point of view.  

That right, why bother to worry about what the in-country missionary hosts need, or even think!  After all aren’t most short-term mission trips about you and what God can do for you and your church?

It’s a known fact that the short-term mission industry is growing by leaps and bounds as the economy improves and people desire extreme faith experiences.  So why leave this important step in your faith journey to chance? 

At RateMyMissionTrip.com you can read reviews from people just like you and then make your decision as to whether or not you want to partner with a particular host missionary or group.

Think of it as Rate My Professor, but from a missions perspective.

Hear what some of the reviewers have had to say about recent trips.

I was able to share with poor people and my agency didn’t make me stay overnight with them.  One day I even got to eat a meal with them.  But the food was awful.  Other than that, I was blessed!
Gina J., First Church of Cabezon, CA


My mission ministry was in the toilet until I found RateMyMissionTrip.com. The reviews really helped me decide where the cheapest mission trips could be found without ever picking up a telephone.
Pastor Rich T., Kohler Baptist Church, Homeville TN

I am glad I got this chance to serve in Uganda.  I was told that poor people need us rich people so they know what to aspire to.  I was glad to be an example of what God wants poor people to look up to.
Susan R., Church of the Willows, Bullhead City, AZ 

I felt everything went well, I would go back.
Rick J., Stone City Church, WV


I did not get sick from the water nor did any of our kids.  Also, with this ministry, I saved tons of time preparing.  Praise Jesus!
Pastor Dave T., Church of Our God, Beulah, GA


See what we mean?  

Hard hitting reviews designed to help you, the short-term missionary or the short-term leader find a good mission where your spritual needs will be met.

Look, when you take a team to a far off country, you have a right to expect a big benefit for your group.  Don’t leave this potential once in a lifetime opportunity to impact your group to chance.

You’ll save hours of research time on the Internet and telephone just by visiting RateMyMissionTrip.com and then serving with one of our well reviewed mission opportunities.

Let’s face it, with so many mission opportunities you want to make sure you are serving with someone who sees you, the person paying the bills, as the most important person on the mission.  At RateMyMissionTrip.com you are king!

Take a look around our site and see how an approach that focuses on you, the short-term missionary, can benefit you and your church or group.


Sign up now and we will give you a 23% discount on our gold package which includes a review for for every member of your group, exclusive discounts on amusement parks near your mission site and a list of restaurants serving American food near where you will be serving.

You can be sure that RateMyMissionTrip.com will be here to serve you!

Contact us today on the web of by phone at 326.555.0976... Operators are standing by now!



[Yes it is snarky and satirical, but sadly, based in reality.  E-mail me for more info]

Tuesday, September 04, 2012

VBS Teams from Jesus is the Answer Short-Term Missions...


Have you ever wondered why no short-term mission teams from other countries come to America to do mission?  Well, so did Jesus is the Answer Short-term Mission and now your church can request a short-term mission team that will do for your church what American teams have done for churches around the globe for years.

That’s right!  We have short-term VBS teams waiting to come to your church and put on a Vacation Bible School for the children of your church and area.

Give people from such faraway places like China, India and Brazil a chance to serve God at your church.

Here’s how it works...

Our teams arrive on Sunday and depart the following Saturday.  You provide housing, food and lots of kids, and the teams will do the rest.  All you have to do is sit back and see how many children around your church accept the invitation to join the Kingdom.


None of our teams speak English, but that is not a problem.  Having learned from watching American teams for years, these teams are well trained and experienced.  And every team has one person who will translate the main message into English so your kids will be sure to understand.

Besides, the Holy Spirit makes the connection anyway, so even if no one in your VBS can understand a word the teams are saying, God will still be there and that’s what’s important.

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We've used Jesus is the Answer a number of times... not only do they make mission easy, they help us feel good about our ministry.  Trust me, if seeing kids raise their hands and feeling good about your ministry is important to you, get a team from Jesus is the Answer Short-Term Mission to come to your church... 

Pastor Dave T., Smith Georgia



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This is your chance to share the American culture with a small team of 15 - 20 short-term missionaries from abroad.

Know that in addition to the great Bible lessons these teams will teach, they will bring lots of cool crafts from The Alaskan Trading Company and will come ready to play American Football with everyone from your church.

Also included in this incredible package is cutting edge kids music kids with titles like Jesus Loves Me, Deep and Wide, & I Am a C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N!

With such quality music, crafts, story times and more, your church will be sure to draw a crowd for that all important invitation time at the end of the week.

What are you waiting for?


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나는 선교사 목사입니다. 내가 당신을 도와 당신의 교회에 팀을 가지고 할 수 있습니까?  우리는 노래를 노래 예수에 대한 이야기를하고 필요한 건 뭐든지 할 것입니다. 그리고 우리는 당신의 맛있는 음식을 모두 먹고 불평하지 않습니다!

Pastor Tommy, 성경의 장로 교회, 서울, 한국

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Don’t miss out on this incredible opportunity to serve missionaries from abroad while they are in your church!  You will be blessed as they tell their stories at the end of week of how God provided for all of their expenses, used them to share Jesus with the children of your church and changed their lives.

For more information, or to register to receive a group, just contact us at Jesus is the Answer Short-Term Missions.

Operators are standing by now... And if you call (634)723-SAVE in the next 15 minutes and book a team, we will have that team teach your congregation how to be better evangelists and be more effective at sharing the Word in America.



[Yes, it's satire, but all of these posts are derived from actual requests and experiences from the short-term mission arena...]